Metaphor Mouse! Have you heard of Metaphor Mouse?

Havi uses him to rewrite words that don’t work for her.

So Blogging. Posting a Blog Post. Having a Blog. What’s up with this?

Well first, we need to examine my personal definition. Like so:

What qualities does my current personal definition contain?*

- Masculine, not in a sexy way.
- Techno, not in a cool way.
- Ugh words that start with “B”
- Too many blogs in the world.
- Done a certain way
- Giant dead weight I’m carrying around
- BORING
- How often do you update?
- Blah/Bob/Blargh/Blob
- Everyone thinks they need one
- Everyone has angst about them
- Relatively harmless, but not strong enough to protect you!
- Not embodied
- Rather useless
- Like that blank space where otherwise fascinating people just give up and go with the normal thing.
- Except a person. The most boring man in existence!

In other words, meet Blog. Blog the Boring. He is the most boring man in existence. I would tell you more about him but I might DIE of BOREDOM.

Maybe underneath he’s actually interesting, but then again, wouldn’t being this boring through and through be kind of, well, fascinating?

At any rate, Blog is not doing what I need him to do. I can tell because whenever I look at him I want to crawl into a hole.

*It’s supposed to be good qualities as well as the bad. But it turns out I don’t like anything about Blog. Sorry, dude. Maybe if you were into horses or something.

What are the Qualities of my Ideal Definition?

+ A play place!
+ Fun structure – like a castle!
+ Very safe and rawther unusual
+ Experiments and Magic
+ Gives people a mini experience – like a really awesome museum exhibit!

And Now We Conjure Up Our New Word!

Ooo, me! Pick me!

We’re going to kidnap Blog and let him live in the Mad Castle.

He can learn more about being so painfully boring that it’s fabulous, and I will conduct experiments and hold open houses and tours of the laboratory. (That’s a laBORatory, not a LABratory.)

The Mad Castle! Home of Blog the Boring

Now he kind of sounds like a barbarian. But Blog the Boring (I could call him BB!) is not the point.

The point is that the Mad Castle now exists, and that’s a very good thing.

“Writing a Blog Post” can be: “Experimenting at the Mad Castle,” or “Checking in on some Experiments at the Mad Castle,” or “Jotting a few notes in the lab book at the Mad Castle.”

“Posting on the Blog” is now just mean. Seriously, it sounds like you’re going to ride around on BB’s back as if he were trotting. You know, just because he’s boring does not mean you get to treat him like he’s a horse.

(Man, Blog the Boring is a accruing a rather interesting life, according to the rumors I’m spreading science. He’s a Barbarian who answers to BB and may have some kind of kinky fetish life as a horse. All lies. True Story. Psst. Pass it on.)

So, anyways, we won’t be posting anywhere. I may choose to “host” instead. Galas, salons, open houses, experimental revues (extra spangly), maybe even a burlesque show or two.

This is so great! Now I have a mad castle!

(I can use it as cover for my secret zorro lair. Ssh, don’t tell.)

Oh no, I’ve said too much!

I need to return to my secret mission to avoid Thanksgiving at all costs. If you need me, whisper the code word to the third blue penguin on in the parachute. Don’t count the non-parachuted penguins. Follow the model trains.

In the meantime, and in secret disguise, do you have any names that need rewriting?

What nasty rumors have you heard about Blog the Boring the Barbarian aka BB aka Reluctant Lord of a Mad Castle?