Today I’m still x*-ing my relationship with 2011.
*I need a verb for this. I don’t like “processing” or “working on” or “playing around with.” I’ll metaphor mouse it some other time.
This time we’re going to write some love letters! And parachute in some safe-boxes.
Love Letter to Me from a Year Ago
Oh Love! So much you don’t know! Right now I know even getting through the day is a huge deal for you, but I promise you it gets better.
I want you to know: this is the last year you have to go through with so little support.
You know how alone you feel all the time everywhere? That feeling is going to be almost alien to you in only a year. You’re learning to be a person who can accept support.
As much as you can trust yourself, do it! As much as you can love yourself, do it!
It’ll be hard, but that hard is exactly what you need. A lot of the negative states that come up for you are coming up because you’re ready to shift that particular pattern forever. Yeah, can you imagine?
And you already know this, but Shiva Nata will be your saving grace.
There is a perfect home and a beautiful dream waiting for you at the end of this. Keep feeling your longing. It’s the key.
As is sleep. Sleep as much as possible. Really. Eleven hours a night is fine. Be cranky. You’re a bear. It’s magic.
Assume anything you’re doing or wanting is for a very good reason.
You’re creating an entirely new identity for yourself. It’s hard work. Let yourself have what you need.
Okay, I hope those words are helpful, but I know you really want want me to parachute you the safe-box. The key’s included in this envelope.
Love love love,
Safe Box for Me-From-Then
[I parachute my past selves little Tardises (bigger on the inside; impossible to for even Daleks to break into) filled with everything they need. It helps a lot.]
The first room
It’s just a giant, super fluffy bed. With fuzzy blankets, soft pillows, stuffed animals. There’s fabric on the ceiling and soft lamps on the walls. There are no windows. No one can get in and there’s no outside light or noise.
The second room
Has a bunch of friendly, safe, soft-spoken people standing in a line to give hugs and whispered encouragement.
It’s actually the people I went on Crossing the Line with and also the gentleman, but of course Me-From-Then doesn’t know any of them yet. They know Me-From-Then, though, and they love her with all the acceptance and quietness she needs.
[Okay, I seriously just made myself cry. I really wish I'd had that room earlier this year...and I kind of feel like I did somehow? So so grateful for these people!]
The third room
Filled with delicious, healthy, sugar-free food that is already prepared for me. Peanut butter pineapple stew. Red lentils and rice. “The Trifecta”. Salmon Nigiri. Avocado rolls. Pho. Gluten-free, sugar-free pancakes. Mussaman Curry. Goat Yogurt.
Love Letter from The Future to Me-From-Now
Boy have I got a surprise for you. You kind of already know it. You can feel the excitement in you:
This year you are going to kick major ass and have tons of fun.
You’ve gotten so big and you’re even starting to realize it. It’s like you’re just a giant in your internal landscape now. Nothing can stop you.
The epiphany about the seeds is what will keep you from freaking out by this new thing that is accepting happiness as your default state.
You have exactly the tools you need, so practice using them. The most important thing is rest.
Resting half the day isn’t enough, but it’s a bare minimum of a start. You’ll be tempted to overdo it and every time you do you’ll just slow yourself down more.
Remember your data on what works. Remember trust and acceptance. Remember magic.
I’ve included the key to your safe-box, with extra love and superpowers. Enjoy, you lovely thing.
P.S. Yep, you do get to travel to X on your honeymoon! The practicalities don’t matter – what I want you to know is that it will be even better than you imagined. Also easier and more perfect.
A Tardis for Me?
I wonder what she sent me?! So excited!!
The first room
Is a spa! With lovely round mineral pools with different temperatures and scents, a massage area, a sauna, and tons of real plants.
There are big fluffy towels on the walls for me to use and the only sound is softly trickling water. That’s it. No other sounds. (Ahhhhhh)
The second room
It’s filled with Enthusiastics! They’re all hiding behind potted plants, wearing outrageous costumes and holding party favors.
It could be for a surprise party, but they all know way better than to do anything louder than smile and sigh. They’re quietly thrilled to see me.
It’s my model Enthusiastic (my grandpa, Hekate, the neighbor’s cat, a flying horse, one of my college professors, and Marilyn Monroe), some of my dearest friends, and my real-life Enthusiastic. Plus the gentleman, who is an Enthusiastic onto himself.
They’re totally ready to help me work on my latest grand scheme, in whatever way I need, including by pretending I’m not around.
The third room
Is a mountaintop. Total stillness. Total silence. Complete solitude.
Sparkly Pink Force Field!
Okay, that was intense! (In tents! Like camping!)
What would you tell You-From-Last-Year? What would you send yourself in a tardis/safe-box?
What would You-From-The-Future say? What would he or she send you?
Let’s keep things safe by refraining from judging, analyzing, or giving advice.
Mwah to all of you!