As part of our (last part of March and) April money consortium, we’re exploring the financial numbers that have emotional weight for us.
Read Part One first, then come back here for the rest.
And if you do your own exploration and want to share, definitely let us know in the comments so we can all read it and cheer you on.
Talking to $450, the Apologetic British Wall
The wall has just informed me it is made up of solidity, protection, sweetness, bleakness, and loneliness, and that the latter two are there because it would really prefer that I hung out somewhere else most of the time.
Question: It sounds like you’re feeling scared and I imagine you want me to be safe.
Answer: Yes! And I’m terribly sorry, but money is not safe at all. You’d best head off to someplace more colorful and welcoming, please.
Question: Oh, that sounds like a really reasonable thing to be scared of. Can you tell me more of what you think about money?
Money is definitely dangerous. Somehow.
Answer: It’s just…dangerous. I’m not… I don’t really remember why.
The wall gives a kind of undulating shudder that ripples out in both directions.
We’re really afraid you’ll be hurt. And we don’t remember why, but we can’t have it.
Question: Okay. I don’t want to be hurt either. I very much want to have protection and safety. Those are important to me as well.
But is it possible that since this wall was built, I might have changed? That maybe this particular type of protection isn’t necessary anymore?
Answer: Voice rising in panic: I don’t know about that! I don’t think you should be here. I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD GO NOW.
The wall projects an image of a marauding internal monster – a giant black mouth it’s working for that might get upset if things got changed too much.
Since I imagine the scary black mouth monster is also probably just wanting my safety, I decide not to try to find and talk to it directly, but instead to proceed in ways the wall finds comfortable.
Dripping with Safety
Question: Oh wow. I am hearing how scary it is for you to even contemplate changing how things are. You really want me safe.
Me too. I’m completely committed to safety. I promise.
You and I are pretty strong. What if we add even more protection and safety to this entire landscape? We won’t do a single thing here until the entire place is dripping with safety
The wall begins to vibrate. It becomes wider and more solid. The ground is also becoming more solid, less springy. But also slightly more organic.
It’s as hard as concrete and still grey, but I get the feeling this is packed earth I’m sitting on and a wooden wall rising in front of me.
A wooden lean-to springs up around me: now I have a roof, walls, a door… And there is a tiny peephole through the wall.
I start to walk towards it but that scares the wall so I stay where I am.
Question: Tell me about the changes the extra safety and protection made.
The whole landscape is on your side
Answer: Well, instead of keeping you away, now the whole landscape is on your side. The rocks and trees and wall and all of it will rise up to protect you, if need be.
Question: Rocks and trees?
I peer out of the lean-to and sure enough: the landscape is ever so slightly more colorful, and a lot more varied. There are stands of trees off behind me, slightly rolling hills stretching out into the distance. Rocks, paths, trees.
Tell me about the qualities here now.
Answer: Well there’s now safe welcoming, safe belonging, safe protection, safe grounding, safe sweetness, safe growth, safe nature and safe beauty.
Question: So all of those qualities keep me safe?
Answer: Yes! The voice sounds excited.
Who knew they all had safety in them? But they do, and now it is even more safe for you here than it was before.
Question: Wonderful, thank you. Can you tell me more about the purpose of the wall?
Answer: Some of the enthusiasm dies.
Oh. Yes, that. Well you still shouldn’t go over the wall. The wall is containing you. It’s very important that you not go over it.
Just a peek
Question: Okay. I want safety above all else. What if I made a super heavy duty bullet-proof shield and just glanced through the peephole? Is that safe enough?
Answer: That is acceptable.
Question: I make my transparent shield and ask it to hover several inches in front of my face as I walk back through the lean-to to look through the hole.
The hole is a little larger than it was – a square about as big as my face.
On the other side is a valley of flowers. Wildflowers and garden flowers in great tumbling bunches growing up, over, around and through each other. In the distant valley-bottom is a sparkling river, and behind that a mountain rising into the heights. It is wild and beautiful.
Wall, what would happen if I crossed you?
Then we’d lose you
Answer: The wall’s voice is choked with profound sadness.
You wouldn’t be you. You’d just dissolve into nothing and we’d never find you again. No limits. No structure. No safety!
Question: Oh honey. That sounds awful. I don’t want that to happen.
I wonder, though. What if I stood on top of the wall, surrounded by its solidity and structure, and just looked past it?
Answer: That is acceptable.
Question: I walk up some stairs to the top of the wall, which has a sunken path through the middle of it. The breeze is sweet and the flowers are lovely.
Hey wall? What would happen if you created a mini wall to go around me, and I went down there and sat in the flowers with the big wall up against my back and the mini wall on the other three sides of me?
Answer: Oh, that would be okay.
Question: Another stairway appears and I descend it, with my mini-walls hovering around me. I sit in a soft tangle of phlox and breathe the sweet scents of this side.
I wonder what would happen if you could help me bring structure and safety to the landscape, like with the mini walls but on a grander scale? Would it be safe for me then?
A landscape of structure
Answer: Long pause. Why, I’d never considered that before. It might be acceptable.
Without one solid wall, the flowers could grow on both sides, and the whole place could be much more beautiful. And if I came with you into this wilderness, you wouldn’t be lost because you’d have me…
Yes. Let’s do that. Everywhere from here to the river.
Question: I will stay on this side of the river for the time being.
The wall is gone. The division between flowery wilderness and muted countryside begins to fade away as they merge into each other. Colorful, fantastical houses sprout up with the promise of delight inside.
I am filled with a sense of wonder. It is safe here. Beautiful and sweet, filled with welcome and belonging.
Now it’s time to explore…
Definitely tell me if you do some version of this yourself, so I can link to you!
Commenting with sovereignty and love, as always.
Much love to you!
Rewrite Your Money Patterns
Would you like to be one of five people to have a private skype Shiva Nata session with me to energize your practice and rewrite your money patterns? Would you like to help me pay my rent for the first time doing things I love?
Check out the Shiva Nata Breakthrough Sessions. Unstick your practice. Unstick your relationship to money. Unstick everything else in your life.
I’m offering two special money-themed renewal sessions where we’ll flail it up and then make art to work on money stucknesses. Join me March 31st or April 28th or both to do some flailing and work on your relationship to money.