I’m getting married a week from today!
And right now I’m really happy, but three weeks ago…
Three weeks ago, I was freaking out. There was a to-do list as long as my arm that just wasn’t getting done.
It was time to get serious, so I finally stopped just telling myself to do it and started actually asking why I hadn’t.
It turns out that most of the stuff I was imagining wasn’t fun. Especially the stuff about beauty.
My thinking went something like this:
“I have to get my hair done [argh] and have someone do my makeup [ack] and then we’ll take pictures [dry retch] that we’ll have forever [whimper] and everyone will be looking at me [run screaming from the room].”
So I sat down and talked to the monsters. Let them talk, connected to what they wanted, tried to come into present time…
And eventually my monsters remembered that beauty, for us, isn’t much about the physical.
No, I don’t mean “as long as you feel good it doesn’t matter how you look.”
It’s my wedding. I want to be hot.
What the monsters and I remembered is that it’s energy that does that. Physical things can help, but it’s only maybe 20%. The rest is energy, or what I sometimes call “force fielding.” (Havi-ism)
Like when I do my tantric breathing exercise (which is the best thing since sliced bread – I’ll tell you about it sometime), and for days afterward strangers hit on me and my friends ask if I’ve lost weight.
So I started trying to focus on that instead:
How can I invite radiance into my force field?
Everything became clear (all this only applies to me, of course):
I hate the very idea of someone else putting makeup on me. I might put some on myself. Not “getting it done,” though.
I love getting my legs waxed! I’ll feel (and look) like a radiant princess. Priority.
I feel so much better when my hair looks good, but it’s seriously traumatizing to see myself in a salon mirror with wet hair. So I told a stylist I’d like to work with her but needed to keep my hair dry or not face the mirror. Done.
And so on through every decision. Even things like tables and chairs, decorations, a guest book…
Will picking up rental chairs the day of make me feel radiant? Will using the picnic tables that’s already there make me feel radiant?
If not, what can I change?
Low Stress, High Radiance
So I’m getting married in a week. We’re having a small ceremony on the 20th and a larger reception on the 21st.
And as improbable as it may seem, I’m feeling really relaxed and excited about the entire thing.
I’m sure a few things will go wrong along the way, but even feeling this low-stress now is a win for me.
Any problems you can dissolve with some curiosity and force fielding?
Love love love,
Rhiannon + itty bitty baby whose heartbeat we got to hear today who is obviously already VERY CUTE because wow. Cute heartbeat, I’m telling you.