This is an update. A weekly one. Mostly because “I have to do my weekly” is fun to say.
It started out over at Havi’s chickens. It may be migrating over here.
You are welcome to join the fun down in the comments, if you’d like.
Wow. So very much happened this week. And today. So we’ll see how I do with this.
- A lot of the assumptions around which my life is built were being questioned this week. Everything from relationships to furniture – what needs to go? What’s not in present time? It’s started to settle down a little, but I’m still feeling kind of shaky and fragile.
- I had no idea how much I was seeking everyone else’s approval all. the. time. I knew I was, but not to this (chilling) extent.
- I’m going to write a whole post on this sometime, but child wars? Totally a thing (in my life, at this time). I feel like I’ve become a pariah; I can’t go anywhere except designated “family friendly spaces,” of which there are way too few. And at the same time, I think there should be an abundance of kid free places for people who don’t want to be around kids (sometimes I don’t. Especially not tons of kids at once.) Hey look! It’s my pattern of trying to take care of everyone all the time, and never cause them even the smallest amount of inadvertent discomfort or pain. Hi, pattern. I don’t like you very much.
- Babysitters! Why are they so hard to find?
- Monsters around legitimacy of the work I want to do. Or maybe more around the process of defining/redefining/refining the work I want to do. It feels like everyone is telling me I suck, which is a pretty good sign that I’m afraid I suck. Wish I could just laugh it off as I roll in raving testimonials or something (even just enthusiastic blog comments), but I’m not there yet (especially since I’m still on sabbatical, and thus not really doing things…) And I want to be someone with less need for external validation. I’m working on it – the believing in myself, and the finding ways to be genuinely useful to others.
- Hey all the assumptions (and furniture) in my life are shifting! And there is so much more freedom and spaciousness and I am so much less freaked out than I usually would be. I am finding my center, somehow. It might be a looooong way to go, but I’m making actual visible progress on the sovereignty thing.
- Fun outing to a thrift store resulted in exactly the furniture we needed for our bedroom. Now my jewelry has somewhere to go other than a pile on the floor. It’s great.
- We got four new super-fun cloth diapers for nighttime! It was super exciting.
- Our playtent is here! I don’t have pictures yet because I need to go buy some pipe to set it up and I’ve been BUSY. I’ll show you next week. I am a person who has a tent, for playing, in their living room. All the time. I am so happy I get to be this person.
- Silent-silent retreat! Sometimes it’s extra silent and sometimes it’s extra loud and it is the BEST IDEA EVER. Also totally fixed my problem with Passage to the Headwaters, which can now happen.
- I’m trying to make cat friends in my neighborhood because David is allergic to dear Samwise (who now lives with my mother) and I don’t have free time to go volunteer at the Humane Society anymore. Two of the cats most frequently around are very shy, but there is a third that likes me, and I’m making progress with at least one of the others. Also, one morning this week they were all hanging out ignoring each other in super stealth CAT WARS fashion and it was pretty funny. They seem to be fighting over our yard as territory, and as long as no one gets hurt, I’m pleased as punch.
- My hair is pink, bitches. PINK HAIR!
- Another big breakthrough with my teaching space, when it suddenly occurred to me I could get rid of the furniture that wasn’t working. Now the space just feels so welcoming to the process of being in your body. It’s sensual and grounded and beautiful. Coming along. I can’t wait to teach workshops here.
- A couple of days of GLORIOUS SUNSHINE are keeping me sane through dreary Portland winter. More than sane, actually. Really happy.
- Maybe I shouldn’t mention this in case it jinxes it, but Scarlet has slept at least four hours continuously each night for the last five nights. In fact, it went 9, 5, 4, 5, 6. It’s amazing to be actually functional.
One of the important things about this is that it’s not shared in order to get advice or fixing. I’m receptive to people lighting candles for the hard or sending imaginary warm blankets and tea.
You may also, as always, use this space to do some processing about your stuff.
Tired waves and blown kisses